God knows what’s after the pain, I don’t.

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This is really more for me then it is for you. Just so that you are aware friends.

My husband, Chris, has been battling stage four melanoma for several years now. Actually when I walked down the aisle I knew cancer would be apart of our lives. Now, seven years later it is amazing, for the most part, how normal our lives have been. That I can be thankful for.

Currently Chris is at Spectrum Butterworth Hospital in Grand Rapids after having weeks of pain. It steadily grew worse and worse and after teaching last Monday he was in so much pain that we had to go to emergency. After 5 days in the hospital he was able to discharge with so many prescriptions for pain, nausea, and other meds that I had to keep asking the nurse, “Ok, what is this one for again?” I believe there were 10 that I filled that night at Rite Aid. I was impressed that I only had to wait 40 minutes.

Its hard to take care of someone you love so much but really not know how to take care of them. Its busy days going from work to home to hospital to back home and yet its lonely. At the hospital, there are times when Chris and I are able to laugh and talk and enjoy our daughter, but there is also a lot of time spent where he is in to much pain or discomfort.  All I am able to do is be there and watch him suffer. Its probably the toughest part of all of this, just watching and you can’t do a thing about it. Its important to remember in these moments that God knows and loves my husband vastly more then I do, and His watching is painful too but He knows whats after the pain. I don’t. He knows the people Chris is impacting by his pain and the way he is drawing his heart closer to Him because of the pain.  Just like a kid who has a bad dream or scrapes up his knees and comes to be comforted because of the pain, God allows it so that He can show us his love and comfort.

Last week I am sure He was trying to comfort me, but I just would have none of it. I was mad and upset and depressed that this was happening to Chris again.  Now, after a couple of days, I feel His love more and the more you experience His closeness its honestly slightly addicting. I encourage you to remember that God knows what is after the pain and its good! 

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