Its been a little over five months since your Daddy went to live with Jesus. You’re 15 months old and your Daddy is coming out in you more than ever before. When the sun was too bright or an internal concentration took over, your Dad’s eyes would narrow and his mouth would stay slightly open. You have that same look.
Your across the face half smile with your top teeth showing is your Daddy. Your love of bouncy balls, basketballs, tennis balls, plastic baby balls is from your Daddy. Your Dad’s hair would flip and curl at the ends when it was long, just like yours does. You have his courage. There is not much that scares you. Your eyes look exactly like his eyes. They are deep and they speak. Most of the time I can tell your mood by your eyes. It was the same with your Daddy. His eyes never lied.
He is in you now, and he will still be in you when you start kindergarten, learn to swim, drive your first car, graduate from high school, and start a family. Your Daddy is a part of you. His strength, his compassion, his tenacity, his joy is all in you and a part of you.
One day you will ask me, “Why did God let Daddy die?” And I will tell you that I will not know that answer until I die and ask God that myself. But I will also tell you that in the sad and impossibly hard times of life is when I have held tightly to God’s hand in the dark, instead of using my own eyes in the light. And it was remembering and having inside me the strength and example of your Daddy that I kept going. The light of his spirit permeated every part of me and that has not died.
I know its scary when there are no answers to your questions. You may have doubts and confusion that leave you helpless with no control over the most important things. But please remember that you have so much of your Daddy in you. Not just your eyes, hair, mannerisms and expressions but your spirit. Let it shine my daughter.
I love you,